Grit
Definition: Courage and resolve, strength of character. Perseverance and passion for long-term goals.
6 weeks.
That’s how long it’s been. That’s how long ago I awoke like any other Saturday morning. Everything felt the same. Drove up to one of my favorite running spots, The Noland Trail, all by myself to log a 20 miler. Bailed on a few people running a race because I didn’t feel ready for one. Knew I wanted some long, quiet miles to myself.
I never saw what happened coming. In that moment, when I saw more blood than I ever had, I panicked like I never had before. I usually can handle stress better than most and stay calm. Not this time. Drove 35 minutes back to VB to the doctors because I hoped my old favorite doctor was working at Patient First. Not too many doctors I trust more than him. Sadly, he wasn’t.
Multiple doctors told me different things. Kidney stones, look, clear as day the first one says. The next, nope, can’t be them.. not sure what it is, but you’ll be ok the next. But here, we will send you to a specialist to get checked out. Specialists check me out, rule out kidney stones. I get the a few diagnosis of what it could be. Most don’t scare me. But he doesn’t rule out cancer. A tumor, yup, that scares the shit outta me. No family history, so that’s a plus. But, waiting is the hardest part. Then tests, more tests, surgery, and a catheter. Fun times. Getting old is great, til it’s not. Good news, it’s nothing that will kill me. I’ll be fine, unless I do something stupid again.. Heck, from the sound of it, this was my own fault somewhat. No promises on not doing something dumb again.
Where does that leave me? Well, 6-10 pounds heavier, depending on the scale you use.
It also leaves me hungrier than ever. Figuratively and literally. I want to get back, better than I was.
Over the course of the last 6 weeks, I’ve had down time. Did lots of reading. Lots of researching. And lots of scaring the shit out of myself imagining I had do terrible disease that could kill me tomorrow thanks to the glorious world wide web. How many times have you googled your symptoms and thought you had some crazy disease and you could die? I know I’ve done it a few thousand times.
My students took their SOL’s this past Monday. Technically, I wasn’t supposed to go to school that day. I wasn’t missing that for the world. Those kids have worked too hard, for too long for me to miss their big day. I couldn’t be there for them the last two days of review last week. I felt miserable, like I let them down. Yea, they were ready before I left. Those last two days didn’t change their scores, of that I’m sure. I have some of the best students I’ve ever taught this year. I guess I say that every year, but, this group of kids were amazing. It took longer to bond with them then normal. But, I love them so much. They made get well cards for me and made my friend Erin personally deliver them to me. I had to be there for them Monday. Not that I could help them, or even be there in the room with all of them testing, but, I know my being there allowed them to relax and feel more confident. They reaffirmed that idea on Monday. They were beaming, smiling from ear to ear when I returned. A few kids told me I wasn’t allowed to die and they were so worried about me. My heart melts a bit when I think of my three favorite girls I teach. They made me a special card, and were the first ones there Monday to make sure I was ok. I knew I had to get better fast enough to make it to work once I saw all the love my students gave me.
Sadly, I can’t say my scores yet.. unfortunately, middle school rules prohibit that. But, they made me proud. Not that I ever doubted that.
So, where does the word grit come into play in all this you may be asking.
- The perseverance and determination they showed all year long working harder than maybe any students I’ve taught. I never ate lunch alone. I tutored anywhere from 2-3 kids all the way up to 10 during lunch. Heck, one time I had 30 students in there.. and only have desks for 28 students, we improvised a bit. But a lot of those were just making up a quiz or test. They didn’t just show up to class and expect to get good grades. They showed determination and grit.
(Well, I had 2 other student’s that rivaled them in getting help and not quitting when they struggled. One was my buddy Mike Little, I’ve shared a few things about him before, facebook statuses, etc. He’s a teacher now in NYC, making a difference to so many that need it. He was there every, and I mean every, morning with me getting tutoring back in 7th grade. Another I taught last year, and like Mike, he was in a few times a week last year and nearly every day this year getting help. He did pretty decent in Algebra this year. His laziness cost him, but he’s made huge strides in the last two years I’ve taught him) - The determination I have to be a better teacher. To work harder than anyone. I am trying to change that to just work smarter, but, sometimes smarter is harder too. I am not exceptionally gifted at any one thing. I was not a natural in the classroom. Sure, in school I was deemed gifted, but as I’ve learned late in life, talent ain’t everything. Being gifted doesn’t get you anywhere. The quote, “Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn’t work hard” is so true. I’ve seen people that were not considered the “smart kids” in school achieve way more than me. They worked harder early in life. I got by on doing nothing and just being able to remember anything said in class or by skimming a few pages in a book. I was not always a hard working and determined person. I was quiet lazy, and looked for the easy way out most times.
But, I wouldn’t change a thing. I am where I belong now. And I will do everything I can to be the best teacher. - The drive to get back to running and doing what I love. My passion outside of teaching is running. Duh, my my blog title says it all. I am 22 weeks out from my 2nd 50 mile attempt. I have time to get ready. Lots of time. Some people said I started training too early for it. But then, they don’t know me well enough. I enjoy the long run, the back to back long runs, the hard tempo efforts where I feel like my whole body is burning and I can’t go on. But, somehow, I hold onto that pain, relish that pain, and learn to embrace that pain. It becomes my friend. I miss that friend. I want to get back to that more than ever. Maybe I needed this break to realize how much I wanted it again. That’s how I am viewing it. I am more excited than ever to get back to seeing my friends. To the small talk that goes on in runs. I started running with some new folks on Sunday’s. More like minded people that bask in the glory of the craziness of our passions. I miss having a reason to get up bright and early and knowing that my friends are out there waiting on me. Having them to rely on to keep me honest.
Running taught me what grit was.
It’s no secret I became a better person, better teacher, better brother, better friend, etc once I became a runner. It taught me to push myself in places outside the running world. It opened my eyes to the fact that I could endure anything I put my mind to. It taught me to learn to embrace the pain of change. To love the struggle of acquiring new skills, new ways of life, new friends, being able to cope with losing old friends. Taught me that one setback means nothing. Taught me that a setback is really a blessing in disguise if used correctly. I learned patience and perseverance, those long runs taught me to learn to sit back and enjoy the ride. You can’t run 26.2 without being patient, learning to push on while struggling, and relishing in the beauty of the journey. You can’t run 26.2 miles without struggling in training. 1 miles, then 2 miles.. slowly, 15-20 mile runs are common place. 8:30 pace becomes 7:15, becomes 6:10 pace. Learning that the only way to get better is to keep going, no matter what.
I wish I learned that early in life. Wish I had to struggle more when I was younger. That’s why I like to make my kids struggle at school. They are the gifted ones now. The ones that have had it easy their whole life. I want them to be challenged. In order for them to accomplish their goals in life, they need a setback. The earlier they get it, the better. If they learn hard work and persistence now, it will set them up for a future brighter than mine. I want that for them. I want them to be better than I was.
I just bought a new condo. I can’t wait to move into it with my dog Ollie. He got a tour of the place last night, and judging by his reaction, I think he loves it. He has two decks to chill on. He will keep watch for us. Hopefully, this time, he doesn’t have to scare anyone off. Don’t need anyone breaking in again. Guess I better get those locks rekeyed ASAP.
I read some books over the last couple weeks. My favorite, well, it’s been my topic all blog long.
- Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance – Angela Duckworth
- Training Essentials for Ultrarunning: How to Train Smarter, Race Faster, and Maximize Your Ultramarathon Performance – Jason Koop (duh, I had to read a running book)
- Give and Take – Adam Grant
- Mastery – Robert Greene
- Wooden On Leadership – John Wooden
- Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World – Haruki Murakami
I definitely can say I recommend them all. Wooden’s book is filled with quick readable sections that make you realize it’s the little things that make a big difference in life. Mastery lets the reader know that it took years for the so called “masters” to be accepted and to be the greats they are. It wasn’t something that came to them, they weren’t naturals at all. In fact, they failed more than anyone. I like the idea of failing to progress in life. Look forward to putting some of Jason Koop’s ideas into my training over the next few months.
Time for bed now for me. Early morning run.
A new beginning. A fresh start. I look forward to it.
Howie runs...... 